


200: The Troubling Truth

by J_33



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Feels, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-24
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-09 21:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 16,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1151243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_33/pseuds/J_33
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All these lies were eating her up inside. She went to work, and came home, just like she always did, but for three years she hasn't been the same women. Sooner or later JJ was going to get caught, she just always thought she'd get a chance to say goodbye first. What do you do when your secret past comes to light, and your life depends on it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Start of the End

**Author's Note:**

> My first Criminal Minds fic, so please read and review. I cant wait for the 200th episode to air soon, but since I have really bad patience I thought: why not write something. Anyways ENJOY:)

It's dark and I'm gagged. I can't see my surroundings. Due to the lack of oxygen I can assume that something is covering my face fully. I am positive that I have been made. I tried so hard to keep this secret; three years it has been. Three years, that left me with a knot in my stomach and demons in my head. I spent so much energy trying to cover up my past, from my team, from a bunch of profilers. It was stupid, it was naïve, but I did it to protect them. It was the only way to keep everyone safe. 

 

I'm glad it's me they took, not Cruz or anyone else from my hidden past. Everything that happened three years ago is just another story that I'm trying so hard to forget, but somehow the dark memories keep floating back to the surface. I think of Will and Henry, and hope that they understand, that they can forgive me. I love them too much for it to end like this, but it was my call, my move that started this downwards spiral, so I am truly to blame. 

 

I have to be strong, can't let their tactics get to me, but after so long of the constant pinch in the back of my mind whenever I try to let go, it has come to my attention that there's no point. I know that my team will do whatever is in their power to find me, but I know it will be too late. These guys are good, too good. Why are the bad guys always good at doing bad? It's almost ironic and I would probably smirk if I could open my mouth. I'm running out of time, or maybe my time has been up for a while now. Dragging things on is bad when they should have come to an end a long time ago. I'm just so tired of all the lies, the secrets. 

 

Things will never go back to the way they were before. The people I killed, and got killed. The new people I’ve meant, and the friends I lost. My team will soon discover the monster I was, or still am. They trust me and I failed them. I guess there comes a point in everyone's life, when your past catches up to you and everything burns. You know what they say: you can run, but you can't hide. 

 

I'm exposed, out in the open. The clock is counting down the minutes before the last blow. I am the trigger, and my past is the bomb. 

 

My name is Jennifer Jareau, and this is only the beginning.

 

I'm so sorry.


	2. Worried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, hold the applause please. Enjoy and Review:)

It was late, and JJ wasn’t home yet, Will knew something was wrong. Lately she just wasn’t herself. She was jumpy and cautious, more than usual. She was always taking extra precautions and the minute he laid a hand on her she would fidget or hesitate.

Will had just put Henry to bed, against his protest of waiting for his mom to come home and read him Little Baby Star. It was late, almost eleven o’clock, and will was starting to get worried. She stayed late at work sometimes to finish up paperwork, but she always called or texted him first. Ever since the incident with him getting shot, and the whole mess, they made sure to always have their phones on them in case of an emergency. After checking his phone for any missed calls, Will thought of something she said a little while back.

JJ had just walked into the house after a case that left her very worn out. She dropped her go bag on the couch, and ran up the steps, hoping to catch Henry before he fell asleep. She opened his door quietly, and there her little boy was, fast asleep next to Will, who was also almost asleep. Not wanting to disturb them, she went back into her bedroom to change. When she came out, Will was there, just walking into the room. 

“Hey Cher, glad your home in one piece” he said with a lazy grin, as he embraced his wife into a hug. 

JJ snuggled in, closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh. Will had known that things had been rough at work, with Matt Cruz being the new section chief. All he really knew for sure was that, he worked with JJ back when she was at the State Department. 

“Everything okay?” asked Will.

“Everything’s fine” lied JJ.

“You’d tell me if anything was wrong, right?”

JJ looked down at her hands, sitting down on the edge of their bed. She had been avoiding this conversation for a while now, and was hoping it wouldn’t come up.   
“Will, I need to tell you something important, but you have to promise that you will leave it at that.” 

Will nodded and joined his wife on the bed.

“I’m fine, and there’s no need for you to worry, but if anything happens to me, ask Cruz. He’ll know,” she said.

“There’s no need for me to worry? You basically just told me that something bad is going to happen to you. Just tell me what it is and we can get your team and get help,” Will said, sounding slightly agitated.

“Will, please just trust me on this one, and don’t ask any questions.”

“Fine” said Will, knowing he wouldn’t win this fight. “But if you’re wrong, you’re doing the dishes for a whole week,” he said making her laugh.

Although JJ laughed and the edge of her mouth curved into a smile, Will could see the tint of pain in her eyes, or maybe it was guilt. He wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t positive there was more to this story than she was letting on.

Will was snapped out of his thoughts by little footsteps coming down the steps. It has been four hours and she isn’t home. All the secrets, nightmares that he would have to snap her out of. She would always be muttering some sort of code or position. It seemed to address the military, but Will had no idea why she would know those things. Something happened the year she worked for the DOD, and that something wasn’t good.

Will walked over to Henry, picked him up and looked in his blue orbs. He looked just like JJ. 

“Bud, something’s wrong."


	3. Reinforcements

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this short but important chapter

The whole team got a call from Hotch asking them to come in ASAP, at 3:30 am. When they all got there, they were surprised to see that JJ wasnt here yet; she was early to everything. They all sat down at the round table, and that’s when Will walked in, with red rimmed eyes.

“Will, what are you doing here? Where’s JJ?” Asked Reid.

“That’s the problem, I’ve been calling her all night, and she hasn’t been answering any of them. They just all go straight to voicemail. I know something’s wrong, she never does this.

“Garcia, I want you to trace JJ’s phone right now,” said Hotch, struggling to maintain his strict composure. 

“On it sir,” said Garcia as she left the room. 

“Will, is there anything that JJ might have told you, she has been acting strange lately,” said Morgan. 

“Not much. When she worked at the State Department she told me that she did a lot of classified things that she’s not proud of. When she came back she wasn’t the same women anymore. She was a little colder, more tired,” stated Will.

The whole team looked at each other confused. 

“But there is one thing I remember. A few weeks ago she told me that if anything happens to her, ask Cruz.”

“Why would she tell you that, they didn’t even know each other before he became the new section chief,” said Blake.

“She told me that she couldn’t tell any of you guys that they used to work together back at the DOD,” said Will.

What the hell were you hiding from us JJ?

Garcia ran back into the room, and handed Hotch the location of JJ’s phone. 

“Gear up,” said Hotch.

When the whole team, minus Garcia and Will got to the destination, they were all dumbfounded. What was JJ doing outside some unknown, yet very fancy building, late at night? Rossi was checking over by this elaborate fountain, when he stopped. There it was JJ’s phone, but then where was JJ?

“Hotch, I found the phone,” Rossi yelled. 

Hotch walked over to phone, and noticed the way the edges were cracked, like she had dropped it, or like someone had grabbed her from behind and she flung it, trying to fight back. The last call on the phone was a private number. 

“We need to call in the reinforcements.”


	4. Inner Turmoil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am quite proud with this chapter. It was sad, then more sad, then kinda more upbeat. So in a way it's not totally depressing, right? I will hopefully get another chapter up by tomorrow. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW:)

It was a normal day in London, and Emily Prentiss was working for Interpol, like she did every day. She was just checking over some case files, when she heard her cell phone go off, but it was her personal one. She checked the caller ID, and was surprised to discover that Hotch was calling her.

“Hey Hotch, is something wrong, you normally email me,” she said.

“It’s JJ. She’s missing and we need your help.

Emily felt her sink down into her stomach. One of her best friends was gone. The same friend that helped fake her death that lied to the whole team, to keep her safe. She had no idea whatsoever, why someone would want to hurt JJ, but she couldn’t just sit here and be helpless.

“I’ll catch a plane right now, and hopefully be there soon,” she said in a slightly shaky voice.

She just hoped by the time she got there, it wouldn’t be too late.

Meanwhile back at the BAU, the team was working frantically to catch a lead, but so far they had nothing. Will had taken Henry home, but only because the team promised to keep him in the loop the minute they found a clue. Hotch had had enough of waiting for some miracle to happen.

“We have to start at square one. We have to find out what JJ, and Cruz were really up to. But more importantly we have to find Cruz,” stated Hotch.

That’s when Garcia walked in. It looked like she was on the verge of breaking down. “Hotch there’s a problem. I tried tracking Cruz’s phone, but its’ here in the building. It’s in his office.”

The team looked at each other as Morgan and Reid ran to go check the section chief’s office. Morgan was the first to enter the room, and was shocked to see that it was empty from head to toe. No pictures aligned the walls. The desk was bare and so was the bookshelf. It was like no one had even worked in that room at all. Once Morgan got back he told the team, and they couldn’t believe it. 

“But that’s not all,” said Garcia. “I found some classified documents in JJ’s file. Most of the data I couldn’t hack into, but the only thing I managed to uncover was that in 2010, JJ worked overseas, and Cruz was there too.”

What the hell would JJ be doing overseas in a warzone?

Morgan wanted to punch a wall. All this time he had known that something wasn’t right with JJ, his partner, but he ignored it. All this time she had been silently screaming for someone to help her, but he just stood by and watched her fall apart. The year she worked for the DOD, she asked him to give her fighting lessons. Why the hell would a media liaison need fighting lessons? Sure Morgan didn’t mind helping her out, but he wished he knew why she needed to learn how to defend herself. Who was he so scared of? He thought back to the case they just closed. When JJ mentioned something about one of the victims maybe having a secret past. She was trying to give him a hint, but he didn’t see it. If only he paid more attention, then maybe JJ wouldn’t be in this situation.

Reid felt guilty. He was the last one to see JJ. He remembered asking her if she wanted to go see a Korean movie. She said that she was tired, but he didn’t know that she had been tired for three years. After Reid discovered that Emily was alive, and that JJ knew all this time, he hated her. Now he understood that JJ was hurting at the same time, even worse than him. Forced to keep two secrets, and help him not fall apart. He wished he would have been a better friend. What if she never comes back, who will call him Spence again. 

Blake felt sick. When she first joined the team over a year ago, everyone was a little relunctant to let her in, but not JJ. She didn’t act like Alex was replacing someone she acted like someone new was just joining the family. They both had lost a sibling, and they were both the only two female profilers on the team. JJ was always so warm, and genuine, but recently she was acting distant and anxious. Blake wished that she had asked JJ what was wrong, gotten her to open up a little, but she remained silent. Now for all they knew, JJ could be dead.

All Garcia wanted was to go and run back into her safe office and pretend that none of this was real, that it was all a bad dream, but she couldn’t. JJ was like the sister she never had. She shot the man that tried to kill her for god sake. The least Penelope could do was try everything in her power to bring her back home. She remembered all the girls’ nights that they shared. That one time they all go wasted before Hotch’s marathon. She was Henry’s fairy godparent, and she couldn’t stand him not having a mother. She knew JJ was badass, but a soldier? Al she wanted to do was talk to JJ. She was always there to help her figure things out, but now she was gone and no one knew why.

Hotch was trying to remain emotionless. He remembered JJ saying how if you don’t fell, you’re jaded, but if you feel too much you get hurt. Right now Hotch just wanted to disappear. He saw everyone looking up to him, asking him what to do, how to find JJ; like he knew. She helped him get over Hailey’s death, but Hotch really didn’t want to help Will get over hers. She’s a good person, and she always deserved more credit, more thanks. Hotch just couldn’t help but think that it was his fault that she was in this position. Maybe if he fought harder for her to stay at the BAU, none of this would be happening. She would be safe. 

Rossi sat observing the whole team. He saw the pain in each of their faces. He wished that he could magically make all this torture go away, but he couldn’t. JJ was like a daughter to him. She said that he inspired her to join the BAU, and now it was him letting her down. He was a goddamn profiler, one of the best, but still he was helpless. Without Cruz, without the truth, it was all a matter of time before JJ’s time ran out. From the beginning he knew that something fishy was going on between JJ and Cruz, but he chose to ignore it and hope that everything would go back to normal. Now JJ was missing, probably in a dark place all alone, scared and in pain. If they didn’t find her in time, nothing would ever be normal again.

Everyone was snapped out of their heads when they heard someone come through. They looked up, and there she was in the flesh. Emily Prentiss. Each and every team member was battling with some sort of inner turmoil, but their friend, their JJ was in trouble and there was work to be done.

No one messes with this family and gets away with it.


	5. The Past Never Dies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn this chapter took while to write, but it was worth it. Enjoy and Review:) Also thanks to the one person who committed on the last chapter, it made me want to write this one right away!

JJ had no idea how long she had been tied down in the chair. It felt like hours, maybe even days. Her mouth was dry and she had a killing headache. She thinks that she was drugged, but she doesn’t know with what. The last thing she remembered was waiting for Cruz to call her back. They were supposed to meet up and discuss the security breech that involved the mission they went on three years ago. She was the team sniper, but they wanted her to go undercover to collect data about and uprising terrorist group that was a threat. Her identity was Emma Parker, and she was a tourist, with a certain hard to find skill set. Nothing bad was supposed to happen, but the worse ended up occurring anyway.

2010, May 17th, Middle East:   
The air was thick and mucky, and the sky was gray with the slightest hint of sunlight over the horizon. JJ or should we say Emma had spent a week gaining the enemies trust. They all thought she was just a normal women, here to do some site seeing for her honey moon. But they also “knew” that her father was a mobster and had connections to various people that they wanted things from. 

JJ went in with her partner Michael Hastings, his code name Wes Parker. They were supposed to be newlyweds. JJ trusted Michael with her life, at least she thought she did. It was supposed to be the last day of there operation. The day they would figure out what “Red Hawks,” move was. The goons brought them into a basement to have a “discussion” about any deals Emma was willing to make. 

JJ and Michael sat down at a long, round table, waiting for the Boss to make his appearance. They both were wired, waiting for someone to slip up and give away any whereabouts to the government data they had stolen. JJ missed her family dearly. She had been gone for a month and a half, and was only allowed to speak to Will once every 9 days, only for five minutes, so that no one could trace any calls. Even when she did talk to him she couldn’t tell him about why she was out in the middle of nowhere, and what she was doing. She had to make up some lie about being here for communication issues between bureaucracies. All their conversations were short and sweet, but not enough. JJ just wanted to go home, and be with her boys.

She had no idea that she had been transferred to the State Department to become and soldier, a sniper. She had no idea that Strauss knew about this all along, and JJ was just as surprised when she arrived in Iraq to see Strauss there as well, planning the operation. She had no idea that she would have to go undercover and that Matteo Cruz would be the team leader. She wished she had been better prepared. This job was nothing like a communications liaison, and to go from that to sniper was almost crazy. At least JJ was a fast learner, but there are just some things you can’t be prepared for. She sure as hell wasn’t prepared to face real hell. 

The plan was going smoothly. No one had made a mistake and blown there covers, but there was a mole in the unit. As JJ and Michael were about to exit the room, because they “thought” they got everything the needed, gunfire started raining outside the building. They had been made. JJ and Michael managed to get to the ground floor of the warehouse, but they were surrounded, with no weapons to defend themselves. She could hear Cruz’s voice in her ear telling her to evacuate the premises, but there was no way out. 

While fending off one of the goons she saw, out of the corner of her eye, Michael go down. She managed to knock the guy out, and then run to her partners’ side. He was shot in the shoulder and left leg. 

“Go JJ,” he choked out. 

“Never leave a man behind, remember?” she said with tear rimmed eyes. 

JJ didn’t want to leave Will, Henry and her old team behind, with some lie about how she died, but backup wasn’t here yet. The last thing she remembered was waking up in some underground cave, all tied up, with stranger’s asking her all sorts of questions that she didn’t have the answers to. They beat her till she was barely conscious, asked her some more questions, and then beat her some more. But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was when they told her that Michael died, that he sacrificed himself for her. 

Eventually her team was able to track her down with the GPS in her arm, but by then enough emotional and physical damage had been done. JJ spent another month in the hospital recovering, and then left to help her old team rescue Emily. Throughout the whole ordeal she remained silent, with only a few people knowing what she went through. She came back to the BAU because the case was still open, and she couldn’t spend one more day looking at Michael Hastings picture on The Wall of Lost Heroes. 

She was forced to lie to Will about where all the scars came from. She couldn’t tell the team why she really became a profiler. The man that leaked the classified information was still out there and if anyone knew any bit of truth they would become targets. Cruz knew that and had taken the job of section chief to make sure JJ stayed safe. Everything made sense now except for one major detail. 

Who was the mole, and what did they want from her?

Present Day, unidentified whereabouts:  
JJ sat tied down to the metal chair with a growing sickness in her stomach. The people that took her didn’t mess around, and wouldn’t stop until they had what they wanted. If only she knew what they wanted. She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of the rusty metal door, at the other end of the room, opening. JJ couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the man that walked through the door.

Michael Hastings.


	6. Half the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The team was working frantically to try and obtain any clues about JJ’s past. They had no idea that the girl they all thought they knew, was an entirely different person. Because they still didn’t know the whereabouts of Cruz, they weren’t sure if he was involved in JJ’s kidnapping, or kidnapped himself. At this point no one knew who they could or couldn’t trust. Emily was looking through some old files when Hotch asked her a question.

“Emily, when JJ was helping you fake your death, did she maybe tell you anything about her job?”

“She never said much, even when I came back, but there was this one thing. We were on our way to Paris, it was the last stop before she had to leave, and she said something that I never really understood. I was asking her how her job was, and she got real rigid. She mentioned being overseas for communication reasons, but I could tell something was off. The only people she mentioned was Strauss, and a man named Michael Hastings.”

“That would make sense,” said Reid. “Strauss was the one who pushed her transfer, so why wouldn’t she be involved in the job that JJ did over there.”

“Well than who the hell is this Michael guy?” asked Morgan. 

“Garcia, I want you to search that name for anyone who’s ever been killed or MIA that worked for the DOD, so we can see if he has any connections to JJ.” Said Hotch. 

“On it boss man.”

No one had any clue to who might have taken her. They couldn’t even find Cruz, so how the hell they were supposed to find out about JJ’s past, when the one man who might have any clue was missing. Everything was coming up classified and JJ was running out of time. That’s when Rossi got an idea.

“One of us needs to call Will, and ask him about the time she was away. If she was overseas for a few months she would want to contact Will somehow right, so maybe he got a glimpse of what she was doing,” said Rossi.

Will was pacing around the living room. It was almost 7am on a Thursday morning, but Will hadn’t slept at all. He just couldn’t stop picturing JJ’s beautiful face with tears and in vain. He was trying to be strong for Henry, but it was hard to be brae when the love of his life could be dead. If she never came back how would he raise Henry, how could he look at his son and not see her? He was brought out of his dark thoughts by his phone ringing. For a second he hoped that maybe it was JJ, calling to tell him that she was fine and would be home soon. He would probably even forgive her for putting him through all this, but the caller ID read Rossi. 

Rossi told him to come down to the station because they might have a lead. That was all Will needed to wake up Henry and bring him to the next door neighbor’s house. Will must have drove through ten red lights to get there in under fifteen minutes. When he walked through the door he was surprised to see Emily there, but was glad she was here to help him get JJ back. 

Once Will got there, everyone noticed that he looked like crap, but they couldn’t blame him. They all loved JJ, but he lived for her. Once Will sat down everyone got ready for business. 

“Will, the time JJ was gone for a few months did she ever contact you?” asked Blake.

“She only did every nine days or so for about five minutes tops. I thought it was weird, but she said it was because of the cost of long distance phone calls. I was just happy to see her face,” He said, not sure if he would ever see her face alive again.

“Did she seem different at all, maybe stressed or worried?” asked Reid.

“A little. Every time we talked she made sure to tell me how much she loved Henry and I. Of course I just thought she missed us, but now I think it was because she didn’t know if she would ever see us again.”

“Did JJ ever mention a man named Michael Hastings to you?” asked Emily.

“A few times I heard her muttering that name during one of her nightmares. When she woke up I would ask her about it, but she said that they used to work together.”

“Used to, that’s past tense. Do you think he died and JJ felt guilty?” said Morgan.

Just on cue, Garcia ran into the room and pulled up a bunch of files on the screen.

“Michael Hasting, a 31 year old soldier. He was in Iraq at about the same time as JJ, and was declared MIA. No one ever found his body.”

“What was he doing before he was last scene?” asked Hotch.

“All I could decrypt so far is that he was working a classified mission trying to take down a terrorist group called the “Red Hawks.”

“So if we find what happened on that mission, we may be able to find out why they want JJ,” Emily said.

“Hold on, you think JJ was taken by some terrorist group?” said Will, the panic evident in his voice.

“JJ’s smart, and one of the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. If anyone can get through this, it’s JJ,” said Hotch, not sure if he was trying to convince Will, or himself more. 

Right as the team was about to get back to work, Emily’s phone rang, she looked at it, and it was a private number. She cued Garcia to start tracing the call. 

“Who is this?” she asked.

“Matt Cruz, and I need your help.”


	7. Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JJ had no idea what kind of drugs they used on her because right now she was seeing a ghost.

“I thought you’d be surprised to see me.” He said with an evil smirk.

“You’re dead, you died, I saw you get shot,” JJ said not understanding any of this.

“Oh honey you don’t understand do you? I was the one who leaked the information about us being undercover.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Let’s just say that their offer was a lot more promising then the bloody paycheck I got for risking my life every day. What’s the point when I couldn’t even go home and brag about what I did? And to make matters worse they had me working with a stupid girl who’s never even seen combat. For years I risked my life fighting my way to the top, but not you. They just gave you the damn job. I saw my opportunity to make something with my life and I took.”

“You sick son of a bitch.” She said staring straight into his eyes. 

“I heard you got married.” Michael said, trying to change the subject. “What a shame, I think you and I could have made a great couple. I know I never told you this, but I had a huge crush on you. I probably would have asked you out if you didn’t have a son. What’s his name, Henry? I wonder what he’s doing right now?” he said with a grin.

“Don’t bring them into this,” JJ said because if she was going to die here, she was going to do it saving the people she loved.

“All those months you made me sit behind you, acting like you were in charge. So do you know what I’m gonna do? I’m going to kill your husband, then your son, and I’ll lead your team here, make you watch them die, and then you’ll be begging me to end your life too.”

“Why wait all these years. Why didn’t you just kill me back in Iraq?”

“Well you see Jenny, I took some time to make it look like I didn’t exist, and to get back in the country. I’ve been watching you for a while now. I’ve been watching you slowly eat yourself alive from all the secrets. I wanted to see if maybe you’d kill yourself, before I did, but you’re too stubborn for that. But none of that matters now. All that matters is that I’m here and you’re a little tied up,” he said with a laugh.

“I trusted you. I mourned your death, but for all this time you’ve been alive, you’re a monster.”

That earned her a slap to the face that split her lip. 

“Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot, but I’m willing to make this all go away if you tell me where Cruz put the government chip that the Red Hawks lost during that little incident. With that kind of power we could make a lot of money selling secrets, and I know that he told you about it.”

“Go to hell.”

“Wrong answer,” he said.

JJ was expecting him to scream, to beat her but instead he left the room. When he came back, he had a syringe in his hand. JJ knew what was inside of it. Liquid X, one of the drugs that the Red Hawks were known for manufacturing and selling. It gave you delusions, nauseous, it sped up your heart rate but then made it go real low, back and forth. Most importantly it made you lose control of your body, and control was the only thing JJ really had at the moment. In small dosages it would just make you high, but she knew he wasn’t going to give her a small dosage. 

“You are going to feel a slight pinch,” said Michael with one of those evil grins again.

She saw the needle puncture her arm, and as if in slow motion everything started to become blurry and she started to feel really strange. The last thing she remembered was seeing Michael set up a video camera in the corner of the room before everything went black.


	8. Easier Said Than Done

“Who is this?” she asked.

“Matt Cruz, and I need your help.”

Emily couldn’t believe her ears. The man they were all looking for in order to obtain some answers just called her.

“Where are you? I can send someone to get you,” said Emily, as she put the phone on speaker.

“I can’t, it’s too dangerous. They will know that you have the information and they won’t stop until they get it.”

“What are you talking about? Who are they?”

“I don’t have enough time. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Everyone was supposed to be safe.”

“Look Matt, JJ is missing and you’re the only one that may have any idea about who took her or where.”

“That’s the problem. They think that she knows, but she doesn’t. They will kill her if she doesn’t give it up, but she has nothing to give.”

“Just calm down, we can send help.”

“They’re watching me. Just know that the records aren’t all true. There was a mole in the team, and he’s….” Cruz was cut off, and all Emily could hear was static and what sounded like an argument.  
“Garcia we need the destination now!” shouted Hotch. 

“He was last in the white building on 2864 Bakers Street.”

Everyone geared up, and left immediately. They weren’t about to let their only source of information die. Hotch, Morgan and Blake were in one car, while Reid, Emily and Rossi were in the other. AS they neared the white building they could all tell something was up. It looked abandoned and silent, too silent. Three of them got the front door and the other three got the back. Morgan was the first to make it up to the attic. The last room they had left to clear. He kicked open the door and there was Cruz. He had a nasty gash on his forehead but other than that he seemed fine. As fine as he could be at the moment.

When everyone got back to the station, they didn’t waste any time on hellos, there was work to be done. Cruz sat down in one of the interrogation rooms with Reid, Hotch and Morgan. The rest of them were behind the glass. Hotch was the first one to talk.

“What were you doing there?” he asked.

“They told me that they had JJ, and if I didn’t come they would kill her. But when I got there I knew it was a trap,” Cruz responded.

“What case did you and JJ wok on that was so classified?” asked Emily.

2010, May 17th, Middle East:  
I was listening through the wires to hear the conversation that JJ was having with the boss. Everything was going well, at least he thought it was. I could hear them finishing up, but that’s when the gunfire started. I took cover just as the truck he was standing in blew up. I saw Agent Stewart, the other member of team 007, go down. I ran over to her and starting shooting. There was so much dust, or was it smoke? With my earpiece still in, I could hear JJ struggling inside the warehouse.

“We need backup, do you copy? Hastings is down, I repeat he has been shot,” and that was the last thing I heard before her com went to static. 

By the time backup arrived it was too late. JJ and Hastings were missing without a trace. Four days later they were able to track JJ down, but Michael was pronounced MIA. When they got to her she looked like hell. Her whole body was covered in bruises, she had multiple stab wounds, and lacerations on her throat. She was barely conscious, but breathing.

I was sitting by her side the first time she awoke in the hospital. Once the doctors took the breathing tube out of her throat, she asked if Michael was really dead, and I’ll never forget the look in her eyes when I told her we didn’t find his body. I could tell that she blamed herself. 

It she spent a few more weeks in the hospital before we decided it was safe to travel back to the U.S. Only a few days after we arrived home, she left to go help find Emily. It was my decision to fake her death, and the only reason JJ went along with it is because she didn’t want Emily to go through the same hell of knowing the people who tried to kill you were still out there looking. 

I recommended that she go see a therapist but she always denied it, so I stopped bringing it up. Every day she would walk into work, look at Hastings picture on the wall, and sit down. I didn’t think she believed that he was really dead, but we never found him, and there was no proof.

Everything was almost back to normal, but then members from Team 007 started dropping like flies. Agent Stewart got killed, Major Price was in a hit and run, but I could tell they were all connected in some way. I knew that the Red Hawks were back. So I sent JJ back to the BAU because I thought maybe it would get them off her trace for a while. 

It was working until Strauss got killed a few months ago. I knew that they were getting inpatient. That’s why I accepted the job offer here, so that I could keep a closer eye on JJ. Now there was only three members left: me, JJ and Rebecca Stone. At least there was three members until Stone was reported dead on arrival during a convenient store robbery. I told JJ not to panic, but I could tell all the secrets were getting to her, they were getting to me too. She didn’t want anyone getting hurt because of her, so I told her to meet me outside the Twilight Mansion, the place you found her phone, so that we could clear things up. I was on my way there when I noticed a car following me. I managed to get away, but by the time I did, I was already getting a call telling me that they had JJ.

Cruz recited that whole story and could see the look of shock on the teams faces. 

“You’re trying to tell us that the replicator was a part of the Red Hawks,” said Morgan.

“I think they recruited him because they knew he had a beef with Strauss. He was supposed to take out JJ too, but his background with Agent Blake clouded that,” said Cruz.

“Okay, so we know that they took JJ, but what do they want from her?” asked Reid.

“They want the list of all the Mobster in America, so that they can grow their corporation worldwide. They think that she has it, but that file went missing, and not even the CIA know where it is,” said Cruz. 

“We have two options: find JJ alive in time, or find that missing file and do a ‘trade’” said Hotch.

All JJ has to do is stay alive long enough for us to do those things. But some things are easier said than done.


	9. Let the Fun Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010, April 21, Middle East:  
“The target is on the move, JJ do you copy?” asked Cruz.

“Copy that sir,” she responded. 

This was JJ’s first mission as team sniper. Sure, she practiced and trained a lot, but the real deal was nothing like that. There’s nothing you can compare with one move making the call between life and death. JJ had that power, she just wasn’t quite comfortable using it yet.

Team 007 had been tracking a human trafficker, on the boarder of Iraq. He was said to be smuggling children and drugs out of the country for a very high price. They called him the Black Sheep because he stuck out so much that it made it hard for anyone to identify him. The man was a target, and because he wasn’t open for negotiation, the only other way was to take him out.

JJ, Cruz and Michael had been watching him for days, while the rest of the team stuck behind and monitored everything. They had to make sure that the missing kids were with him, or this whole operation would be for nothing. One wrong move and a lot of kids’ blood would be in JJ’s hands.

While watching the Black Sheep get out of his van, JJ felt a bead of sweat trickle down her forehead. She thought of Henry and how if he was missing she would want someone out there trying to get him back, even if it meant killing someone in the process. She made her decision.

Her eyes focused in on the targets head, she pointed her rifle in the spot right between his eyes, took one deep breath and counted to three.

1, 2, 3, and like a bolt of lightning the bullet left her gun with a bang. JJ looked up as the man went down, blood spewing out of him. She didn’t feel bad, and that was what haunted her the most.

Present Day, Unidentified Location:   
When JJ first opened her eyes everything was blurry. She felt like she was drunk and sick at the same time. She was still tied to that stupid chair, but this time there was a light shining down on her. She remembered Michael being alive. He did this to her.

Speaking of the devil, Michael walked in the room with a mask in one hand. He looked pleased but also excited about something. This couldn’t be good. He pulled the mask over his head and walked over to the video camera.

“This is where the real fun begins,” he said turning it on. He then walked up close to her, too close and whispered in her ear. “If you try anything stupid I’ll send guys to kill your son, he’s at your neighbor Kate’s house, the pretty lady with blond hair.”

JJ didn’t want to give this bastard the satisfaction, but she could tell he wasn’t bluffing and she couldn’t put the life of her son at risk. So she nodded.

Michael than grabbed two new needles off the table and looked straight into JJ’s blue orbs.

“Let the party begin.”

The team had the lead they were looking for all along, their problem was that they didn’t know what to do with it. That’s when Garcia ran into the room looking panicked. 

“Sir, I was just sent a link to a live video feed,” she said.

“Can you track it?” Hotch asked.

“It bouncing off too many signals, and the IP address is changing every 30 seconds.”

“Open it,” said Will, surprising everyone. “I know JJ’s alive, I can feel it, but if we don’t watch this we could miss something important.”

“Will’s right baby girl, push play,” said Morgan. 

Garcia pressed play and no one was prepared for what they saw on the screen.


	10. The Magic Word is Our

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came up with the revelation in this chapter while writing it, but it actually worked out. ENJOY AND REVIEW!

On the screen there was JJ, tied down to a chair, in a dark and musty room. She didn't look that beat up, but there was something much worse. Her pupils were dilated which could only mean one thing: drugs. She already looked out of it and it had only been 24 hours.

How much time does she have left?

With the face mask on, JJ knew that there was no way her team could identify him. She knew that they were watching her so she made a promise that she would stay strong for them. Michael turned towards the camera to begin the "show."

"Hello FBI, welcome to the torture chamber," he said sarcastically. "You see JJ over here has done some bad, bad things, and she must be punished, but where the adventure in that. I decided to have a little fun first. The syringe in my right hand is filled with a chemical that increases your heart rate and blood sugar, while the syringe in my left hand does the opposite. Every time JJ refuses to cooperate I will inject her with these seconds apart. Sooner or later, but hopefully later her heart will explode leaving you guys to pick up the pieces. I shouldn't keep you all waiting so let's begin."

The team watched and bit their tongues. The unsub was clearly a psychopath, he liked being in control, and acting as though all this is a game. What was his prize then?

"Let's start with the first topic. Where are the government files?"

"I. Don't. Know." She said pausing between each word.

"Bad move Jenny," said Michael, as he injected her with the first needle.

JJ bit her lip so that she wouldn't scream. All of a sudden she felt like she was being dragged up into the sky where the air pressure was too much. Just as she reached the top he injected her with the second needle. In a matter of seconds she began to feel like she was drowning, or being choked. Her body felt slow and drowsy, and her head felt heavy. That feeling lasted for a few more minutes, though it felt like hours, before she dry heaved onto the ground causing Michael to smile beneath his mask.

"That didn't feel to good did it Jenny? It's up to you whether you want to drag this out."

"My team-th-they will find you," she mustered out still trying to regain her breath.

"It's cute how you think they're still looking for you. Do you think they care about you anymore? All the secrets you hid from them, all the lies you made up. Do they even know how many people you killed?"

"It was our job," she said.

"I'm going to ask one last time. Where is the file?"

"Go to hell you son of a bitch," she said with a smile before Michael started hitting her with everything he had.

The last thing the team saw was JJ stare straight at the camera and mouth "I'm sorry," before the video feed cut off. Everyone was speechless. Will had to take a seat, Morgan embraced a shaking Garcia into a hug. Reid started going over the countless statistics of kidnapping survival rates. Emily was trying to compartmentalize, but it was hard when she just saw her best friend up there. Hotch remained stoic, but on the inside he wanted to scream. Rossi continued to observe the team, and silently pray that things would work out for the better. Lastly Cruz stood in place staring at the screen where the feed of JJ once played. He had a small, but noticeable smile on his face.

"What the hell are you smiling about?" asked Morgan having a hard time keeping his cool.

"When JJ was being asked questions, she said it was OUR job," said Cruz joyfully.

"What is that supposed to mean?" asked Will in his southern drawl.

"It means, Michael Hastings is still alive, and he's our unsub."


	11. Wishes and Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That promo though. And now I cant sit still. Anyway enjoy this deep chapter and review!!!!

Michael Hastings was alive. That revelation dumbfounded the whole team. Cruz could barely believe it himself. JJ gave them the clue that they needed, Will was right. A man that everyone thought was dead for three years turns out to be alive. Normally Cruz would have been happy that one of his old team members was alive, but not in this case.  
“So we now know that Hastings is working for the bad guys, but why change sides?” asked Rossi.

“Well back before JJ joined the team he was supposed to be the team sniper. Then JJ came along and took away his spotlight I guess,” said Cruz.

“Why didn’t he stay the team sniper?” asked Blake.

“He was a good shot, don’t get me wrong, but when it came down to risking a civilian’s life, or not completing the mission he always chose to risk the safety of other.”

“But why JJ? Why out of all the options, you chose her?” asked Will, still a bit shaken up from seeing his wife get tortured.

“Strauss showed me her file one day, and it was exceptional. She was a great shot, but that wasn’t all. We noticed how well she did under pressure, being a media liaison for the FBI. She handled extreme situations well, like when she shot Jason Clark Battle, the same man who shot Garcia. She was an all-around perfect fit.”

Everyone felt ashamed of themselves. They always took JJ for granted. They always passed her by when it came to giving someone credit. Little did they know that while they were here she was out in a dessert saving countless lives of people getting nothing in return. JJ was always there when they needed someone to vent to, or for help, even for simple advice. She was the team’s rock and now she was gone.

Reid wished he had been kinder to her. She was always looking out for him, but all he did for her was blame her for Emily’s “death.” He knew she was keeping secrets and he hated her for that, but he hated himself more for not being there for her when she needed some place to go. Who would he play cards with, who would he talk about nerdy things with, and who would call him Spence if she died? 

Garcia wished she had her best friend back. She wanted the girl that she told all her problems to back, the girl that she drank Green Fairies with back, and the girl that would make any cloud in the sky disappear just with words back. Penelope was trying to be strong for herself, the team and for JJ, but it was getting harder to keep the damn from flooding.

Morgan wished that he had given JJ more credit. He was the big strong man of the team, but she was stronger. He never really told her how much he admired her. She was always just there when he turned around, so there was no need to. But now she was gone for real, and it left Derek wondering if he would lose another partner. 

Rossi wished that he would have said something sooner. He watched each day as the bags under her eyes grew larger and as the sparkle in her eyes got dimmer. She kept the team together, she was the glue. Now Rossi watched as everything was starting to fall apart. 

Blake wished that she got to know JJ more. She knew that she was a wonderful person and a great agent, but Alex knew very little about her past. All she knew was that JJ’s sister had committed suicide when she was only eleven. She knew that JJ put everything into a case, but that was it, and now she may never get the chance to find out anything else.

Hotch wished he had appreciated JJ more. He felt dumb for not seeing it, for not connecting the dots sooner. She was his agent, she worked for his team, and she was his responsibility. JJ had a husband and son, and because he was so dumb, they may never see her again.

Emily wished she had talked to JJ more. After all, JJ did help Emily with the hardest thing ever in her whole life. She faked her death and kept the secret for months, while JJ was also going through personal things. JJ was still recovering and Emily wished that she had helped JJ before it was too late.

Cruz wished that none of this had ever happened. He felt guilty for leaving JJ out of his sight. He was angry that those he trusted stabbed him in the back, but more importantly he felt unsure that JJ would ever recover from this ordeal. First she had to make it out alive.

Will wished that he would wake up and all this would just be one bad dream. He wished that JJ would be lying next to him, hogging all the covers wrapped in his arms. He wished that he would walk downstairs and she would be eating a bowl of cereal, only eating the marshmallows from the lucky charms. He wished she would kiss him goodbye, and be there on the couch watching some little kids show, under a fort with Henry when he got home. He wished that he could yell at her for kicking him in his sleep, and then make it up to her. Most of all he wished that she would be okay. Will didn’t care how many therapists she would need afterwards, or how much time it would take for all his wishes to come true. As long as he had his wife back, all of his wishes could wait. 

Everyone had wishes that the things they done were different. That they could go back and erase the past, but all good things come with bad ones too. Where there’s a dream there’s also a nightmare awaiting that’s ten times worse.


	12. Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me a little longer to post. ENJOY AND REVIEW!

2010, May 18th, Middle East:  
JJ was awoken by the constant throbbing in her wrists. When she opened her eyes she realized that she didn’t know where she was. Her arms were tied above her head, and she couldn’t move. The only noise was from the dripping of the leaking pipe above her. As one of the drops landed on her, everything came flooding back. The mission, the mole, and Michael. Oh god, Michael.

Where is he? He’s not in here, so he must be…. No he’s not dead, he can’t be.

She wanted to put her head down and give up, but her captors’ hadn’t made their apperence yet. She had to be strong, she had to make sure that these guys paid for what happened to Michael, her partner, her friend. 

It was almost morning, and JJ wondered if her team was looking for her. She wondered if they were alive. She wondered what they would tell Will if she died. But she couldn’t think about those things, she wouldn’t let herself loose hope. She had reason to be alive. More brunches with Garcia, more playdates with Henry, more self-defense lessons with Derek, and those weren’t even all of them. 

JJ heard the metal door squeak open, and in walked some bald man. He looked big and strong, but also sinister, very sinister. His eyes were green, and he had a flaming hawk tattooed onto his arm; the Red Hawks gang symbol. At least she knew who took her now.

“It’s about time you woke up,” he said with a southern accent. 

Sounded like he came from Texas. JJ didn’t know the Red Hawks were recruiting Americans. She spent five years watching a bunch of FBI agents make up profilers of people, so who said she couldn’t do the same? Find out what he wants, why he does what he does and who he really is.

“Who are you?” said JJ looking him in the eye.

She noticed a scar underneath his right eye. It was slim but long. Went from his eyes to his ear. The man smiled, and JJ noticed how straight his teeth were. Probably a middle to upper class male if he could afford braces. Maybe he got involved with the wrong crowd as a kid. Maybe that’s how he ended up here.

“You can call me OJ, what should I call you?” he said.

“That’s none of your business,” she said not letting him gain anything from her.

He smirked and said “I bet those binds are a little tight, you want me to loosen them for you?”

Her binds were awfully tight, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction, so she didn’t respond.

“You’ve got any family?” he asked.

“No, I don’t,” she lied.

IF she told him about Will, Henry and her team they could use them against her. There was no way in hell she was putting them in danger. 

I can’t lose them, I’ve already lost Miche… no he’s alive.

“Look,” he said sounding frustrated. “We already had to kill your partner because he wouldn’t shut up about saving you. You look like a nice person. You’ve probably got someone out there who loves you a whole lot, so let’s not make this harder than it has to be.”

The man, OJ, didn’t sound mean, almost kind, but there was a darkness behind his words. A sort of darkness that can’t be erased.

They killed Michael, he was dead, she was gonna die too.

“Tell. Me. Your. Name.” he said in a whisper, getting close to her face. JJ could have answered, she could have spared herself so pain, but this guy killed her friend, so she spit at him instead. She saw his eyes go from green to red. 

“You little bitch!” he said, as he grabbed her throat. “I tried to be nice, help you out, but you couldn’t just go with it,” he said squeezing her neck a little tighter each second. “I am going to break you, Jennifer.”

“How do you know that?” JJ asked while gasping for air.

“Your friend was screaming that name as the life left his body,” he said, as his eyes went back to green, and he released his grasp on her neck.

JJ looked down in shame. While she just hung here, Michael was fighting for his life and she did nothing to help. 

 

OJ walked over and grabbed a bucket full of ice cold water. He place it down in front of JJ, and then slowly crouched down.

“Now you’re gonna tell me everything you know on the Red Skulls, and then you’re gonna tell me about the government files. You do that and maybe things will end better for you than they did with your friend.”

He was lying. She wasn’t going to see the light of day again. The next thing JJ knew, her head was being forced to meet a bucket full of water. Her arms strained against the metal chains that were holding her wrists together. JJ was struggling to breathe. Right when her vision started to go black and fuzzy around the edges, her face was pulled up, out of the water. JJ coughed as the man laughed.

“That was just a test, wait until the real Hell begins.”

Present Day, Unidentified Location:  
JJ felt like she was choking on that ice cold water all over again, except for the fact that there was no water around. She felt like she was being hanged from the ceiling even though she was only tied to a chair. JJ felt like she didn’t want to feel anymore. The drugs were making her hallucinate, and she was having trouble staying in the present.

JJ knew that her team was being targeted, but to know that her own team member was behind it really hurt. To trust someone, to mourn for them, only to find out they’ve been alive this whole time really sucked. She finally understood how read was feeling when he found out that she was keeping Emily’s secret form him. 

Her team. Oh how she missed them so much. They probably hated her right now. She knew they were going to have to find out sooner or later about her past, but she wanted to be the one to tell them. JJ was tired. Tired of all the secrets, all the pain and all the guilt. She knew she had many things to fight for, but it was getting harder to maintain the will to fight.

Michael walked in the room. She hated him, she despised him so much. He put everyone through so much hell. She wanted to kill him, but she also wanted him to end her pain first.

People tell you that knowing when to walk away is the key to success, but they’re wrong. No matter what you do it always comes back to bite you in the ass, and it sucks just as much either way.

You can't walk away from the inevitable when your feet are glued down.


	13. Let Me Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy and Review

There was another video, but it was different from the others. In all the other ones JJ looked strong, and hopeful, but not in this one. In this video she looked small. The fire in her eyes was no longer there. It was replaced with something much darker. 

Instead of using drugs this time, Michael used his fists. He kept asking JJ over and over again questions that she didn’t have the answers to. Each blow she received was like a blow to each team member’s heart. All they could do was watch and hope that there would be a hidden clue somewhere. 

Garcia was looking up any places that Michael Hastings family may have owned. He has been a ghost for three years though, so it was hard to track him down. 

JJ was hit one more time, and that punch made the chair she was tied to tip over with her still in it. Michael smiled with glee at the situation. Reid was startled by the noise of the chair cracking, he accidentally knocked over a picture of JJ, Henry and Will, that was on her desk. The frame broke as it hit the floor. 

Cruz bent down to help Reid pick up the broken glass, but was shocked when his eyes looked at another object laying on the floor among the broken shards of glass. One that must have been lodged into the back of the frame for who knew how long. It was a hard-drive.

2010, May 19th, Unidentified location:  
JJ was having a hard time getting air into her lungs. Between the choking and her broken ribs she knew she didn’t have much time left. Her captors were getting angry and losing patience fast. JJ wasn’t cooperating with them, and they knew that her team was hot on their heels. 

She was on her knees with her arms still hanging above her head. JJ’s eyes were closed as her head was down facing the dirt covered floor. She was bruised, bloody and scared. OJ walked in a grabbed her face roughly with his two large hands. The sudden movement made her gasp in pain and he smiled. 

“We don’t need you anymore,” he said and JJ’s heart dropped. 

The next thing she knew, she was being dragged up to the roof of the factory she was being held in. Tears were freely running down her cheeks. This was the end.

All the pain she was in didn’t seem to matter. The only thing she could think about was never seeing Will or Henry again. Never talking to her old team again. Never telling everyone in her life how much she loved them. Her tears were mixing with her blood as they reached the roof.

It was dark out, and the cold air chilled JJ to the bone. She looked up and saw the millions of stars in the sky. She hoped that after death she would have a good fate awaiting her. Maybe she would see her sister again, or her dad, or Michael. OJ said something about them two being the only ones left in the building. That once he did what he had to do, he would leave and no one would ever find her body. JJ was too busy contemplating her life to really care.

She was on the ledge of the side of the building, her hands were no longer tied, and the only sound was of the chirping of the crickets. They say that when you’re about to die your life flashes before you, but not for JJ. All she saw were the faces of everyone she would leave behind, everyone who she would miss the most. JJ closed her eyes, ready to accept her fate. 

I hope they move on without me. They deserve that.  
All of a sudden she heard two gunshots go off, and pain erupted in her left shoulder. JJ felt herself being dragged off the ledge. She panicked and tried to grab onto the side, but she was too weak. She felt her hands began to slip and just before she was about to let go, someone grabbed her hand. 

“I’ve got you JJ,” said Cruz.

He had a cut on the side of his face, and bags under his eyes, but that was all. AS relieved as JJ was, half of his body was also hanging off the ledge and he couldn’t bring them both up. Michael was already dead, she wasn’t going to lose another team mate.

“Let me go,” she said. 

The swat team was still clearing the building, and JJ was in so much pain. It was too late for her but not for him.

“Just hold on a little longer, JJ,” said Cruz with tears in his eyes. 

He didn’t want to lose another agent, but it was getting harder for him to hold onto JJ. She knew that and begun to loosen her hold on his hand.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Just then SWAT rushed in and pulled both Cruz and JJ up from the ledge. Before JJ could process what had happened, she was being rushed into an ambulance. She could here Cruz tell her that she was gonna be okay, but he was wrong. She was broken. Before she lost consciousness she remembered one important detail. She remembered the hard-drive that was in her front shirt pocket. 

There was a mole in the team, so she couldn’t tell anyone about it. Not even Cruz. She had to keep it safe until she was positive nothing bad would happen. If only she knew that bad things had just begun.


	14. Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't mean for this chapter to get all philosophical but it did. ENJOY AND REVIEW!!!

Whether you’re writing a poem or a 500 page book, you go through the same process. Just like fighting for your life, or destroying someone’s life are the same things. In both you have to put in everything you’ve got. There’s a winner and a loser, and the outcome isn’t always in your hands.

JJ felt as though she was beginning to lose the fight. It’s not like she wanted to die, but there was a slim chance she would walk away from this alive. In all the movies she’s ever scene, there’s always a happy ending. The girl with cancer finds a cure, the dying man gets saved. The movies show the viewer’s how they’ve won, but they forget to show what they lost. The girl with cancer can’t pay her medical bills, the dying man becomes paralyzed.

People say you can either look at a glass of water half empty or half full, but at least if the glass is half empty you know when to ask for a refill. Reality is harsh, but in some cases it is helpful too. Knowing when enough is enough, now that’s smart, but learning from our mistakes is bullshit. All mistakes give you are scars and painful memories. Sure, you might learn not to run with scissors again, or look both ways before for crossing the street, but would you rather not have undergone that accident, or know better for next time. All you learn for sure is that life isn’t fair, and it doesn’t give a damn about the causalities. 

For JJ there wasn’t going to be a next time. You’d think she’d been more careful taking it into account how this isn’t the first time she’s been kidnapped, but that is the very reason that this is not a mistake on her part. You have to be in control to make a mistake be your fault, and JJ wasn’t in control. If she was Michael would be the one in this stupid chair, not her. 

She hoped that her team found the hard-drive. Maybe then they would find her body. Maybe she would get a proper funeral, and maybe there would be some closure, but it was all these maybes that were killing her. 

When you’re parents say maybe it normally means no. The word maybe is just a sugarcoated version of the word no, but with some sprinkles of hope which makes it so much worse. When pulling off a band aid you want to rip it off fast, but maybe is like the infection you get afterwards. Because no matter how much you clean the wound, or how fast you try to stop the worst from happening it will happen eventually, you just don’t know it yet. 

JJ didn’t know whether she would live or die. She didn’t know whether she would see her family again. She didn’t know whether she would kiss her husband again, or go get coffee with Garcia again. All she knew was that if she did make it out of here alive she would never take any of the simple things in life for granted ever again. If that’s not learning from your mistakes then nothing is. 

Maybe everything would go back to normal and maybe everyone could act like this never happened, but probably not.


	15. The Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy

Cruz couldn't believe it. JJ had the freakin file this whole time. Who would have guessed that for three years she kept a secret within a secret.

"What did you find?" asked Rossi noticing the look on his face.

"The file, the thing that Hastings wants; JJ's had it this whole time," he said.

"Why'd she keep it from you?" asked Blake.

"She must have known there was a mole in the team. She was probably going to tell us once the assignment was closed."

"So we have what the unsub wants, but that still doesn't help us find JJ," said Reid.

"No, but it can help us make a deal," said Hotch.

 

Present Day, Unidentified Location:

JJ was starting to get restless. For two days she has been sitting in this goddamn chair. She has had very little to drink and even less to eat. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep, but she couldn't. She wouldn't let Michael see her weak and vulnerable.

"JJ, JJ, JJ, this little charade of yours is useless. I know that you know where the hard-drive his, so just tell me and all this pain will go away," said Michael.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you working for these people?" asked JJ.

"Well you see, you were always trying to be the hero. It was always look at JJ, look at how talented she is, oh there's JJ again being perfect. No one could see that behind your mask you're just a blond bitch. You were getting all the credit, all the missions while I sat in the background doing what you should have done all along. Then the Red Hawks came along and offered me a chance to take control, to be in charge. All I had to do was give them so valuable information. The plan was to fake my death and then get rid of you, but you lived. Now here we are three years later, it almost feels like déjà vu, doesn't it?" he said.

"So you were jealous of me," stated JJ.

"What did you just say?" he asked with his temper rising.

"Nothing, I'm just a little surprised that apparent tough, skilled man is jealous of a girl like me. You call yourself brave, you think that you deserved it more. Let's think about whose in this chair and who's the bastard going to jail for life once you get caught, and I swear to you that my team will find you," she said with a smirk.

"You better watch what you're implying," said Michael.

"I've got nothing to lose. You on the other hand, has your job, your power and all this money on the line don't you?"

"That's not true. You have your family. If I hurt them, it's just like hurting you, but worse. It's a kind of pain that can't kill you, but still bring you to hell."

"You touch them and I'll never give you what you want," she said.

"That's where you're wrong. Your friend Matt just made a deal. The hard-drive for you."

"Are you going to take it?" she asked.

"Of course, and at the end of the day we'll have the chip, you and Cruz. Now who's the stupid one?"


	16. THe Silence that Screams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Got three days to finish this!!! Don't forget to Review:)

They went over the details multiple times. Cruz needed to hand over the “hard-drive,” but only after he saw JJ alive. Cruz was wearing a wire so the team would know what was happening at all times. There was no reason for things to go south, but they did anyway. 

The man who went to retrieve the hard-drive from Cruz wasn’t Michael. It was a tall, African American man with a Middle Eastern accent. When Cruz got there JJ was nowhere to be seen. He knew that the team was waiting in a van no too far away just in case, but it didn’t ease his anxiety. 

“You tell me where Agent Jareau is, you get the chip, and we can act like none of this happened,” said Cruz.

“Well you see,” said the man in a deep voice, “this simply isn’t up to you.”

Next thing Cruz knew, a large bat connected with the side of his face. He could hear the team asking what was going on through the com in his ear, but their voice was drowned out by a constant ringing sound. He could feel himself get loaded in the back of a van as he was gagged, blind folded and ripped of the wires hidden under his shirt. The only word that came to his mind was crap.

Hotch, Blake and Morgan drew their guns and sprinted to Cruz’s destination, but by the time they got there it was too late. Cruz was gone and so was the hard-drive. There was going to be hell to pay once the bad guys found out that the hard-drive was a fake.

Now JJ and Cruz were gone and it was only a matter of time before this team would be down two agents.

It was dark, and JJ didn’t know how long it had been like this. Michael had been gone for who knows how long and JJ didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. She was just about to close her eyes and try to get some much needed rest, but she was startled when she saw Cruz be shoved through the door.

He had a nasty bruise on his forehead and looked a little out of it. JJ felt really selfish saying this but she was glad she wasn’t alone anymore.

Michael tied Cruz up just like JJ and then left, but not without saying he’d be back. 

“JJ are you okay?” asked Cruz, noticing how pale her face was.

“Why are you here? This is my hell not yours,” she said angrily.

“We found the hard-drive, and offered a deal; you for the data, but things went south,” he said.

“If they have the hard-drive what do they want us for?” she asked.

“We gave them a replica drive,” Cruz whispered.

“Shit,” JJ said under her breath. “You couldn’t just leave me here. Now they have both of us and still no information.”

“I wasn’t just going to let you get killed. I gave you that mission and you’re my responsibility, as an agent and a friend.”

“Did you at least explain to the team why I did what I did?” she asked.

“JJ your team admire you, they think you are a hero. Everything you-we did was for the safety of this country.”

“Matt this isn’t going to end well.”

“I know. Just know that if anything bad happens it’s not your fault.”

Than Michael walked in and said “I guess you could call this a reunion,” with a chuckle.

JJ and Cruz both stood there silently.

“I know that are little deal was a set up Matt, I’m not stupid. The hard-drive is a fake and the plan was a failure, well for you anyway.” 

“You’re pathetic,” said Cruz, but all that earned him was a hard punch to the face.

Michael then walked over to JJ as two more men entered the room.

“You have five seconds to give me what I want,” he said as he lifted JJ’s chin up harshly.

“1,” JJ just stared back at him.  
“2,” the other men in the room begun to untie Cruz.  
“3,” JJ started to beg, knowing where this would lead to.  
“4,” Cruz was dragged out of the room, failing in his attempts to fight back. 

“You don’t want to do this,” said JJ trying to sound convincing but it came out as more of a hoarse whisper.

“5,” JJ heard a gunshot go off, but it was what she stopped hearing that scared her the most.

She stopped hearing Cruz screaming. Michael smiled and left the room. JJ was all alone, left in the silence that made her insides want to scream for help.


	17. Map to Resoultion

They knew JJ. They knew that she’d put anyone ahead of herself. They knew that she’d give up her life to keep this world safe, and that was the biggest problem. The more time they spent trying to find her, the less hope they had that she would still be alive.

Cruz was gone too, and that didn’t make matters any better. He was the only living link they had to her past. Now their section chief was gone and their friend too. The odds of one of them surviving was slim, but two of them, that was almost impossible. None of the people in the room were ready to lose a wife, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a mother, but more importantly; a good person. The amount of good people in this world was slim enough, but without JJ, there might as well not be a list.

Everyone was working as hard as they could, but it wasn’t enough. The bureau wasn’t making JJ and Cruz’s recovery a main priority. To them they’re only two agents who will soon become names on the list of fallen heroes; not family. They didn’t care who lived or died as long as the political aspects stayed in check. In their minds there was other serial killers on the loose, other people in danger, other people that lives mattered more. The longer time the team spent trying to locate JJ and Cruz, the more unsubs that were roaming wild with no help in catching them. JJ and Cruz were going to be written off unless the team got a lead and fast.

Garcia was frantically checking all aliases that Michael Hastings could have in order to discover where he may be hiding. She was losing faith until she came upon several buildings that his family owned. 

“Hotch, there’s three places that are under Hastings name. One is a small park complex, an apartment complex and the third is an abandoned warehouse,” she said.

“There’s too many, and not enough time, which one should we check first?” asked Hotch, when Reid pulled up a map of Virginia.

He started making checks and dashes all along it.

“All the checks are the places that each team member was allegedly found dead. They are all equal distance from each other. and form a rectangle. If you find the bisector of each side, they form a 90 degrees intersection right in the center, right where the warehouse is,” said Reid.

“Gear up, we have agents to save,” said Hotch.

Will started walking towards the door when Hotch said “Will, you stay behind if you come along.”

“She’s my wife, there’s no way I’m going to just sick back and watch,” Will said angrily.

“Henry needs his dad right now. He needs to know that everything is going to be okay.”

Will nodded his head in response. The warehouse was one hour away if they went above the speed limit, and there was no way they were going to slow down for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They found her, they just don't know what will happen once they do. *Evil laugh* don't forget to review


	18. Alone

It was getting harder to focus. The light bulb hanging from the ceiling was spinning. JJ felt sick to her stomach. She thought of Cruz screaming for her to help him before a bullet collided with his head. All the blood, all the pain; the torture of knowing that this is the end, and no matter what you are never going to take a breath again. He had a wife, kids, and now he was gone.

Why wasn't it me?

The guilt was eating JJ alive. She wanted to cry, and scream for anyone that could hear her, but she was alone. She remembered the case a few months ago with the unsub killing nannies. She remembered shooting him in the head and being reminded of all the lives she took in the middle-east, and she remembered coming home to her son and husband. "Alone, no one can make it out here alone," and that was true. She got here alone, and she was going to die with no one here to tell her everything was going to be okay.

JJ could see a gun on the table across the room. It was a .38 caliber; not too big, not too small either. If only she could get out of these damn ropes she might have a fighting chance. Her left cheek was swollen, her wrists were throbbing and she felt a sharp pain every time she inhaled, but right now she would do anything not to be alone, trapped in her head.

A man entered the room. It was Michael so it must be one of his goons. He was big, but JJ could probably take him down if she had the chance. He looked strong, but she was fast. He smirked at her, as he began to untie her from the chair. First her right leg and then her left one. She saw him drop his guard, and that's when JJ made her move. She kicked him right in the spot that no man ever wants to be kicked in. He dropped to his knees in agony, cursing words in another language that JJ couldn't understand. She sprung to her feet with the chair still attached to her arms. Her legs were a little stiff from the lack of movement but that didn't stop her from bashing the chair against his back, freeing her arms in the process.

The man collapsed fully to the ground unconscious, and for a split second JJ felt bad for him. He was doing a bad thing, but it didn't mean that he was a monster. She then remembered all the hell these people put her through, all the people they killed: Strauss, her old team, and Cruz. She thought of them as she reached for the gun on the table, and pulled the trigger.

She knew that she didn't have a lot of time. The people she was dealing with were good, too good. One mistake could mean her life. If she was going to make her move she's have to do it fast. Good thing JJ was always quick on her feet and a damn good shot.

The profilers were 25 minutes away from their destination. The longer they drove, the more restless they got. No one could get the picture of JJ out of their heads. Nobody knew how much time JJ and Cruz had left; if only they knew one of their times was already up, and the other wasn't too far behind.

JJ was trying to be as quiet as she could, but with each step her heart beat was increasing and her breathing was becoming more rapid. All her rational thinking went out the window. JJ didn't want to get out alive if it meant all these bastards walked. She was rounding a corner when she heard two voices up ahead. They seemed to be arguing, but they were too far away for JJ to make out the whole conversation. She waited until she heard them walk away. The gun only had three more rounds left, so she had to use them wisely.

She didn't know where the exit was, so she took the stair well up. She was turning onto the next flight of stairs when a man came out of nowhere. He pulled his gun, but not before two bullets collided with his chest. JJ kept moving, she had to. She kept walking/limping up the steps until she reached the roof. JJ didn't have a very good track record when it came to roofs. There standing a few feet in front of her was Michael Hastings.

JJ raised her gun, aiming it at his head. She so badly wanted to pull the trigger and end it, but she couldn't. Some unknown force was holding her back.

"Take the shot," he said with one of his wicked grins. "You'll be no better than me."

"I'm not the one who killed innocent people Michael," she said still keeping the gun aimed on him.

"After all this time you still think you're innocent?"

He was right. She wasn't innocent. She had debts to pay, people that she killed, and dues that she couldn't erase. JJ was so lost in thought she didn't notice Michael starting to inch forwards. By the time her vision refocused he was standing right in front of her. Startled JJ, but he managed to knock the gun out of her hand as the shot went off. JJ used her free hand punching him right in the cheeks, but he pushed her back. She went to kick him in the chest, but he caught hold of her leg mid kick. He swung her to the ground. J tried to get up, but Michael was holding her down. The pressure on her ribs was excruciating.

Before she knew it, JJ was being forced to her feet. Michael was leading her closer and closer to the edge of the ledge. It was at least a 6 foot drop down. He grabbed her throat with his hands, cutting off her air supply. JJ was being lifted off the ground, almost over the ledge completely. The anger in his eyes were evident. JJ couldn't believe she was ever friends with this man.

"Any last words?" he asked.

"Have. Fun. In. Prison." She muttered out between breaths.

"I win," he said as he let go.

JJ could hear the faint sound of sirens in the distance. She could see Emily run through the doors and tackle Michael to the ground. She could feel the air rush around her as Michael let go of her throat. Her team was here and they found her. No mattered how this ended, JJ knew she wouldn't be alone, maybe she never was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliff hanger, or should I say roof hanger...HAHAHAHA! The 200th episode is so close, and that means this story is almost over. Hope you enjoyed this chapter and there will probably be two more. REVIEW:)


	19. Good Guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJO Y!!!!!!!!!!

It was getting dark out, but the team was close. They could see the warehouse up ahead. As the car came to a stop, everyone jumped out. Hotch and Blake were taking the basement, Reid and Morgan had the ground floors, while Rossi had the upstairs and Emily had the roof. They were using the element of surprising and right now that was the only thing in their favor.

As Hotch entered the basement, he a Blake spilt up. He walked into the farthest room in the long, and dark hallway. There he saw a corpse lying dead on the floor, next to what seemed to be a broken chair, and a lot of empty syringes scattered across the dusty table. There was blood mixed with dirt on the ground, and Hotch hoped it was all JJ’s. Speaking of her, where the hell was she?

Blake was searching the other rooms with her eyes on high alert when she came across something that she hoped she wouldn’t find.

“Hotch, Cruz is down, I repeat Cruz is down,” she said speaking into her com while checking his pulse.

There was a gunshot wound straight to his head, so hopefully he didn’t suffer too much. If this was Cruz’s fate, what was JJ’s? 

The other agents heard the devastating new, but where one might weep and mourn, they became even more determined to catch this son of a bitch. Reid and Morgan were searching the ground level floors when they started getting shot at. Their cover was blown. Both of them dove behind large metal shelves that scattered the room. The people were shooting with machine guns and AK-27’s, leading both of them to believe that they weren’t messing around. They kept exchanging bullets until they heard the other guys stop shooting. 

“No eyes on JJ, but still haven’t seen Hastings,” muttered Morgan into his com feeling very angry at the whole situation.

Emily and Rossi were heading up the flight of stairs, going as fast as they could. Rossi stopped when he saw a dead body up ahead. The man was shot twice in the chest. Either these guys were dumb or JJ was close. He drew his gun ready to clear the leftover rooms, as Emily continued up the stair.

Emily had a bad feeling about what sight she was going to encounter when she opened the roof door, but she forced herself to put her fear behind her. She was going to have to be focused if she wanted to get JJ out alive. She pushed open the door in front of her and was meant with a cold rush of air that made her shiver. That was nothing compared to the sight in front of her. There was Michael holding up a very worn out JJ by her throat over a ledge. Emily had to act fast.

She put her head down and sprinted towards Hastings just as he released his grasp from JJ’s throat. She heard JJ let out a piercing scream right before her body collided with Michaels. She tackled him to the ground, as pointed her gun at the center of his forehead.

“So you’re the great Emily Prentiss,” said Michael.

“This is for my best friend,” said Emily as her gun meant his face knocking him out.

She could hear Rossi running through the roof door, and Morgan and Hotch asking what was going on in her ear, but none of that seemed to matter. All that mattered was getting to JJ. Emily ran to the ledge of the roof and let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding in once she saw JJ holding onto the side of the building for dear life. The dark haired agent grabbed onto the blonds hand as she pulled her up with all the strength left in her. 

JJ’s face was a sickly pale color, even in the night light, but she was breathing and that was all that mattered. Out of the corner of her eye, Emily saw Rossi cuffing Michael before he led him out the door. 

“Emily, how did you find me?” JJ asked barely able to form the words.

“It doesn’t matter,” said Emily as she ran her hand through her friend’s hair, thankful that she was alive.

Emily then helped JJ up off of the ground, and put her arm around her shoulders for support.

“Let’s get you out of here.”

None of the team could hide their happiness when they saw JJ walking out of the warehouse with the help of Emily. She looked cracked, but not broken. Morgan immediately walked up to JJ. He looked into her eyes, and was just so proud of her. He engulfed her into a hug, careful not to hurt her anymore though. 

“I thought I was gonna half to need a new partner,” said Morgan holding back his tears.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily,” said JJ with a slight smirk, causing him to laugh. 

JJ let go of Morgan as she saw Hotch approaching. That’s when she was faced with reality again. Cruz was dead, and all of a sudden she felt the darkness embrace her heart once again. She was clutching her left side as she stared at the building that most of her pain happened in, but then she saw Michael sitting in a cop car with his head down. She wished that she was dead, and as bad as that sounded it was the truth. But now he would be going to jail for the rest of his life and for now that was good enough.

She turned her head and saw her husband and her son, and words could not express how happy she was to see them both again. JJ walked as fast as she could manage towards them. Once she reached them she hugged them so tight, she didn’t are about the pain.

“Mama, are you hurt?” asked Henry in his quiet little voice.

“Ya I am buddy, but I’ll be okay,” said JJ.

“Did the good guys win?’ asked Henry.

JJ looked into Wills eyes and smiled. “The good guys won, we won,” she said as a tear ran down her cheek.

Each team member had a different emotion going through them all, but there was one that they all had in common. They all were thankful. They were thankful that even though bad things happen, and people get hurt, for once the good guys won, and that is why each and every one of them do their jobs every day; to make room for more good, and to save more good people. They may not be able to save all the good men and women in the world, but they were able to make sure that they caught the bad ones, and that the good ones went on to do great things. JJ was one of those people, and she was a hero too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 200th episode is tomorrow!!!!!!!! there will be one more chapter and hopefully i'll get it up before the episode. Hope you liked this chapter and REVIEW


	20. Not So Bad

Everyone was gathered around in the local bar. JJ had gotten out of the hospital a few days ago, and looked a lot better. She still had a bruise on her cheek, and she would always have some invisible scars that would never heal fully, but with the help of her team, no her family, she would never truly break.

Her arm was around Will, as she leaned into his embrace. JJ silently watched each of her friends interacting with eachother. Blake and Emily were laughing about something. JJ was glad that maybe now Blake wouldn’t feel like a replacement because she was so much more than that. Garcia and Morgan were using their usual “inappropriate” slang that was no longer allowed in the office because it made other workers uncomfortable. It only made JJ laugh. She noticed Reid telling Hotch about some sort of medieval film festival coming up, and for once in a long time Hotch was smiling a genuine smile. It wasn’t forced or fake it was real. JJ looked at Rossi just as he tapped his glass to make a toast.

“You can’t always control what happens in this world, but you can control who all this stuff can happen with. To JJ,” said Rossi as he raised his champagne glass.

“No, to family,” said JJ because without them she wasn’t sure she’d be standing here right now.

“To family,” everyone said in unison.

Emily pointed at her watch and said that she’d have to get going soon, but maybe for a long time in forever the team wouldn’t miss her. They wouldn’t because even though Emily worked in London now, running Interpol, in reality she would always be a part of the BAU, and a part of this family.

No one knew what would come next, but they knew one thing for sure. They would never forget those who they lost, but instead lead by their example. In a world where they battle so many monsters it was nice to know that no matter what happened in the near future they would always stick together.

JJ knew that she probably would never be the same naïve girl she once was, and that she and this team have changed throughout the years, and for once that wasn’t such a bad thing. The saying what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger is not true because what doesn’t kill you can only bring you closer to those you love and those who love you. 

As a great profiler once said “Sometimes there are no words or clever quotes to neatly sum up what’s happened that day. Sometimes, the day just… ends,” and maybe, just maybe this ending wasn’t so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. The 200th episode finally airs tonight and although I know it will probably me nothing like this story, I am glad I wrote it anyway. I hope everyone reading enjoyed it as much as I did writing it, and there will be plenty more to come. Thanks for reading and.....  
> [Cliff hanger:)]


End file.
